Thursday, August 30, 2007

Dear Refrigerator

Dear Refrigerator,
After a year of living with us and providing us with COOL, we have finally reached the sad day in which we must part. When we first met you, you were tall and strong, and we were happy that you were around. We cheerfully decorated you with pictures, magnets, and word-poetry. We thankfully packed our milk, our lunch meat, and our fruit into your cool bottom compartment, and stacked our hamburgers, popsicles, and ice-cubes into your frozen upper compartment. Soon we learned how your over-zealous attempts to cool our food would often freeze our lettuce and turn our juice jug into a giant un-drinkable popsicle. I did not keep track of how many heads of lettuce met their frozen end in your icy embrace.
Day and night, you kept your trusty motor running. In fact, you were so hard-working that you only took a break for a few minutes every day. You faithfully extracted water from the air and collected it on your refrigerator floor, where the cold pool would slowly leak out your door, toward the kitchen wall and even sometimes all the way into the basement. We never had you diagnosed, but I sometimes wondered if you thought you were a dehumidifier instead of a fridge. You worked so hard at trying to being a dehumidifier that you did not feel the pain of the rust which resulted along your side from the constant stream of water you released.
Perhaps it was because your door would not close properly, or perhaps it was from the stress of your door swinging open harder than you could handle, but when we moved you, it appears you had been overworked at some point or another. The large burn mark left on the linoleum remains for us as a reminder of your dedication and perseverance as an appliance in our household, and we will always remember you for it.
We hope that the Great Refrigerator Round-Up people treat you with all the dignity and respect that you deserve. The house is just not the same without your loud, constant humming, and we certainly notice the loss of your presence.
Sincerely,
Your old family

Sunday, August 12, 2007

I'm an Aunt!!

Happy birthday Robert John! We are excited to announce the much-anticipated birth of Robert John Mulder, born on August 10 at 9:12 a.m. to proud parents Jeremy and Sarah. Congratulations Mom and Dad! Robert weighed in at 7 lbs, 1/2 an ounce, and measured at a lengthy 23 inches - possibly 2 of which are toes... :) It was quite something to finally meet this brand-new nephew, and to hold him only three hours after his birth! He's tiny, beautiful, and healthy. Early predictions that he had no nose and would be born 5-month-old size and able to eat an entire box of crackers were apparently unfounded, as Robert has a beautiful button nose, and is not yet interested in vegetable thins.




Thursday, August 02, 2007

Toxic Skewers

We bought a set of BBQ utensils late last summer on clearance at Canadian Tire. It came with a flipper, tongs, and four skewers. Since it was late in the summer, we didn't have an opportunity to use the skewers, and they were retired into a drawer until we pulled them out again on the weekend. Anticipating a fantastic meal of corn-on-the-cob, potatoes, and shish-kabob for a few guests, we prepared the food and skewered the meat. However, halfway through cooking the meat, we discovered a fatal flaw in our BBQ skewers: as it turns out, the "stainless steel" handles are actually plastic covered in a thin layer of metal. As most of us probably know, plastic melts when heated - and heat is a natural part of the cooking process, especially when grilling on a BBQ. The result? Well, our food was still edible thankfully, but the skewers started bubbling toxic black plastic ooze, and they are now somewhat distorted. Who designs such a product? What other non-sensical kitchen impliments have they come up with? Plastic frying pans? Glass forks and knives? Perhaps a rubber kettle? So much for those skewers . . .